My unconscious mind, my energy has been in a state of turbulence lately. I’ve been so focused on what others are thinking about me, how they might be judging me and how they might be feeling about my decisions.
This has been making me question the validity of my own discernment and judgment.
The warrior monkey in this picture is facing away from the viewer and into the light of the sun. Monkey’s stance is alert, strong, prepared for action with staff at the ready and armor on.
The sun is coming out from behind the clouds, shining directly onto the monkey.
Takeaways for myself:
Turn away from the judgments or perceived judgments of other people. Tune into and trust your own judgments; you KNOW when you don’t know something and need to ask for help, and you successfully do that (aka, you already turn towards the light of the sun for clarity when you need it; keep doing that).
The sun represents new situations emerging that shine a light on the insecurities and fears that are still ready to activate within me when smooth sailing is interrupted. In my case leadership is lighting up the areas of my emotional infrastructure* that still need to be repaired and reinforced.
It is my work to find strength and stability in redirecting my own thoughts and energy back to the place of knowing deep inside me, set an anchor there, and be at prepared and at peace with the results of making decisions from that place.
Making decisions from a place of integrity won’t always result in people wanting to stay. Making decisions from a place of integrity won’t always mean I don’t make mistakes.
But it does mean I can have a sense of stability, because I am standing in full view of the light of my conscience, adjusting when new information is illuminated. I can stand firm and take accountability for the results (good or bad) of my decisions and rely on the same sense of integrity to lead me forward. (Moving forwards means both celebrating success, and correcting course to repair harm when I cause it.)
Don’t be so precious about possibly doing the “wrong” thing and become afraid of using my judgment at all.
Don’t be so sure of myself that I can’t examine when my judgment is incomplete.
Don’t be rigid.
Soften your stance, and be ready to flow with what comes next out of the fog. The monkey warrior’s stance is strong but not rigid – limbs softened into the slightest, ever adjusting movements that allow it to bend or jump or dash in response. The monkey warrior is ready with eyes facing forward.
Somatic practice for today:
Feel the knot in your chest loosen and your chest cavity expand, muscles loosening.
Imagine those faces that have been crowding your mind move further and further into the distance, until they are specs that fade into the haze of the sun shining on your face.
Close your eyes and become aware of the knowing within you.
What do you know?
Stand and face what is emerging with confidence and readiness. What needs to be illuminated and revealed in you and around you will be revealed at the right time, and you will rise to meet it. You will know how to flow with it or let it flow around you and pass on. Stay in your own chest and lead from your gut and your heart.
*Emotional infrastructure is a term I heard in the show “Somebody Somewhere” and I think it’s brilliant.
Jenny Baird 