Austin – New Single!

 Austin Promos 2Less than a week ago, my newest single, “Austin”, made it’s debut in the digital markets (check out the Music section to give it a listen or purchase).

And since we have a little space here on my blog, I thought I’d tell you a bit about this newest confessional single of mine.

I wrote “Austin” over a year ago, at a time when I was madly in love with the guy I was dating.

I was madly in love, and he hadn’t told me he loved me yet, but I was bursting to say the words to him. I never thought I would be the first person to say “I love you” in a relationship, but it couldn’t be helped. It felt like the words were suffocating me not to say them, so I finally told him “the words one at a time”.

In the end, the relationship didn’t work out (don’t worry though, he didn’t bolt because I told him I loved him, he’s made of sterner stuff than that), and I considered “never singing ‘Austin’ again” since I had written it about this person. But I realized 2 very important things…

#1) I felt like “Austin” was just way too good a song to throw out the window.

#2) More importantly, even though I had written this song about someone who I could no longer be with, I ultimately didn’t write it for him. I wrote it for myself, to work through my struggle to gather up my courage and for the first time ever confess to someone “I’m in love with you.” This is no small feat, saying something so risky and scary, don’t you think?

So, I survived the breakup, and thankfully, so did “Austin”. Hope you enjoy it! 😉


A Surprisingly Lovely Morning

Papa & Grammy
Papa & Grammy

This morning surprised me with it’s loveliness. I had no exceptional plans. I simply had to run to the office to pack up my desk for the move to the new office building this week, and then hang out with my friend (and bandmate), Nana, a little later in the day.

Being at the office was a great start to the morning, going through files, chatting and joking with my teammates, tasting ice-cream made entirely of fruit. I packed up my desk into one box and am excited to come to a totally new workspace on Thursday. New workspaces always stimulate my brain and give me a fresh sense of adventure and creativity.

But the best part of the morning, and what lit up my whole heart, was stopping by the bank before arriving at Nana’s. As I was standing at the counter filling out my deposit form, I heard someone call my name. Look to the left. There’s Papa! Papa, my wonderful grandfather who I really only see once a week at Sunday lunch, is standing in line to make his own deposits. So we stand in line together and chat about his morning, and he tells me to go in front of him, because Grammy is waiting in the car, and I can go chat with her while he’s making his deposits.

When I come out to Grammy’s car, I sit in Papa’s driver seat, and Grammy gives me a kiss and we chat about what she bought at Macy’s and how we wish our whole family (all 25 of us, all of Grammy’s & Papa’s kids & grandkids) could make it out to the lake house for our fall vacation. But we’re all scattered throughout the country, so I suppose we’ll take what we can get as far as time together. The breeze came in the car windows, and wrapped gently around our conversation until Papa came out ready to go. I wished them a good day and walked back to my own car and the day ahead.

I can’t tell you how lovely it was to have those small, spontaneous conversations with my most lovely grandparents. Sometimes, I don’t even know how much I need that small touch of human connection from those who love me most.

As life would have it…

…I am currently going through a break-up (WAH WAH! :() . A few thoughts below on going through this time of pain in my life, written March 22nd:

Just watched a clip of a seminarian talking about how when we suffer, Jesus suffers with us. And I get what he’s saying, Jesus has compassion on us and is with us in our suffering and pain, comforting us. Afterall, he is the “God of all comfort” (as stated somewhere in Corinthians). But I guess I just don’t relate to the sentiment that Jesus suffers because we suffer. In the same way that I believe pain confirms, rather than denies, the presence of God in my life, I believe that when I/we suffer, Jesus does not suffer with me, but I am suffering with him. When I suffer, I gain small pieces of understanding into the immense suffering Jesus endured for his Father’s glory and for each of us. And THAT is what comforts me and breaks my heart all at the same time. I have Jesus, a high priest who empathizes with me, and yet also, by my sin and previous rejection of God, I caused him the suffering he endured in order to be able to empathize with me. So even though it sincerely and deeply SUCKS when I suffer, it also shows me more of the immense love my Father, his Son and The Holy Spirit have for me to go through Jesus coming to earth, living, suffering, dying and rising again to reconcile us to God. It’s worth it, suffering is worth it to know Jesus more. It really, really is. I would not trade it in or rewind the clocks and erase the events that led up to this.